


We're No Strangers To Hamilton Chat Fics

by ConsiderableLogicality



Series: CRACK [7]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, F/M, Texting, chat fic, why
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-29
Updated: 2017-05-24
Packaged: 2018-10-25 11:33:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 1,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10763403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ConsiderableLogicality/pseuds/ConsiderableLogicality
Summary: Got homework to do?A paper to write?Things to take care of?NO YA DON'T! READ ANOTHER HAMILSQUAD TEXTING FIC!!!





	1. Only Easy Mac Can Appease Jefferson

France: James, I'm dying

JustJames: No, you're not

France: My throat has burst into flames

JustJames: You have a cold, Thomas

France: You have to make me Easy Mac

JustJames: Why

France: Cuz I'm sick

JustJames: We have no Easy Mac

France: Go buy some

JustJames: It's 2AM, Thomas

France: Your point?

JustJames: No

France: BUT JEEEEEEEEEEEEEMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYY

JustJames: If I run to the CVS and buy you Mac will you shut up

France: Possibly

JustJames: Ugh... Fine...


	2. Hamilton Please Shut Up <3

Non-stop: Guys guys guess what

Baguette: What

Non-stop: Jefferson has a cold

TurtleBoi: Yeeeeeeessss

Non-stop: I'm so happy

BestOfWoman: So am I! You haven't ranted about him for two days!

Hunkcules: True, Alex has been v quiet

Hairgelica: #blessed

Non-stop: Luv you guys too

Baguette: <3

Hairgelica: <3

Pegleg: <3

Hunkcules: <3

TurtleBoi: <3

Bestofwoman: <3

Non-stop: All of you shall burn -_-


	3. #LetBurrSleep2K17

JustJames: Does the CVS on Mercer Street sell Easy Mac at 2AM

Burrn: Idk

JustJames: Can you find out pls

Burrn: No, I'm tired, I'm going back to bed

JustJames: pls

Burrn: gnight

JustJames: :,(


	4. Laurens'Child: Frances

TurtleBoi: Guys, I want a turtle

Hunkcules: I want a thousand dollars, pay up

Bestofwoman: This apartment does not allow pets

TurtleBoi: They don't need need to know...

Pegleg: Where would we put it

TurtleBoi: I have,,, the perfect spot

Non-stop: You already bought one, didn't you?

TurtleBoi: Her name is Frances :3

Non-stop: -_- Dangit Laurens


	5. DatBurr.JPEG

Pegleg sent a photo: DatBoi.JPEG

Bestofwoman: Peggy why

Hairgelica: Peggy no

Pegleg: Peggy yes

Hunkcules: Power to Pegleg

TurtleBoi: You should Photoshop Burr's face

Baguette: PEGGY NO

Non-stop: PEGGY PLS

Pegleg sent a photo: DatBurr.JPEG

Baguette: Dangit Peggy

Non-stop: OMG PEGGY MARRY ME

Pegleg: ;)

TurtleBoi: Do TJeffs

Pegleg sent a photo: DatJeff.JPEG

Hunkcules: Heh heh more like .JPEGGY

Pegleg sent a photo: DatGeorge.JPEG

Non-stop: I am sending that to Washington


	6. Meme Culture

Non-stop: Sorry to interrupt you, sir, but I thought that you should see this

Non-stop sent a photo: DatGeorge.JPEG

Washingdone: ... It's my face photoshopped onto a frog riding a unicycle

Non-stop: Yes

Washingdone: I don't understand

Non-stop: It's the DAT BOI meme

Washingdone: Um

Non-stop sent a photo: DatBoi.JPEG

Washingdone: Um

Non-stop: Sir, what is your knowledge of meme culture???

Washingdone: That depends, what is a meme culture?

Non-stop: ...

Washingdone: ...

Non-stop: I'm sorry for disturbing you, sir, have a good day


	7. Viva La Spam

Non-stop: OOOOHHHHHH MMMMYYYYYYYYY GGGGGGGOOOOOOSSSSSHHHHHHH YYYYYOOOOUUUUU GGGGGUUUUUUYYYYYSSSSSS

Hunkcules: Wut

Non-Stop: WASHINGTON DIDN'T KNOW WHAT A MEME WAS

Baguette: Whaaaaaa

Pegleg: Ooh, such juicy gossip

Hairgelica; Do tell

Pegleg: #DoYouEvenMeme

Bestofwoman: Do y'all think his wife knows?

Hunkcules: Send him Bee Movie memes

TurtleBoi: Send him a Shrek meme

Hairgelica: Send him Vines

Baguette: #SaveGWashFromMemeIgnorance Viva la spam!

Non-stop: You guys are The Best™

Bestofwoman: <3


	8. John And Peggy Make Things "Interesting"

Hunkcules: Guys I'm bored

Non-stop: Same

Hairgelica: Someone make things interesting

TurtleBoi: Don't tempt me

Bestofwoman: Do it John

TurtleBoi has added France, JustJames, and Burrn to the chat

TurtleBoi: Hello idiots

JustJames: Why are we here

Burrn: No

Non-stop: Eww peasants I'm out

Non-stop has left the chat

TurtleBoi: Aww my poor bitter smol bean

France: Guys I'm sick

Baguette: We are aware

Pegleg: Entertain us, Thomas

France: Why would I do that

Baguette: Because we are bored

France: Suck it up I'm sick

Pegleg sent a photo: TJeffsPukingRainbows.JPEG

Hairgelica: #PeglegIsSavior

TurtleBoi: #PeglegIsLove

Hunkcules: #PeglegIsLife

France: ...

France has left the chat

Bestofwoman: :,(

JustJames has left the chat

Hairgelica: Rude

Bestofwoman: BURR STAY PLS

Burrn has left the chat

Baguette: What do we do now

TurtleBoi: PEGGY MEME ME MEME LORD I NEED MEMES

Pegleg: At your service folks


	9. Hamilton Raises The Dead

Nonstop: So on wikihow it says you need goat milk to summon demons does anyone know where I can get some???

Bestofwoman: Alexander it is 3AM

Non-stop: Good point does anyone know a good substitute for goat milk???

TurtleBoi: Turtle milk

Hairgelica: Something seems off about that sentence

Pegleg: Human milk

Hunkcules: Alex don't summon demons

Baguette: Wait Alex who are you summoning

Nonstop: Myself

Hairgelica: ...

Non-stop: BC I'm dead inside

Pegleg: *claps* Same tbh


	10. Sweeney Todd, Children, Roasting, And Sighing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whoa a chapter that isn't super short??? What witchcraft is this??? (Sorry guys, I'm trying to make chapters longer!)

Non-stop: YOU CAN BLOCK MY NUMBER BUT YOU CAN'T BLOCK MY LOVE BETSY

Pegleg: ...Wut

Baguette: Thank you for your input Alex

TurtleBoi: What's going on???

Bestofwoman: Alex was being annoying & I blocked him

Non-stop: BUT BABE IT'S MY NATURE

Bestofwoman: He kept asking me for help with a case but when I said no he called be beautiful to try and change my mind

Pegleg...

Pegleg: THERE WAS A LAWYER AND HIS WIFE

Baguette: AND SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL

TurtleBoi: AN ANNOYING LAWYER AND HIS WIFE

Non-stop: Rude!!!

Hairgelica: I would say AND THEY WERE BEAUTIFUL but tbh Alex is average at best

Baguette: Harsh

Pegleg: #Roasted

Bestofwoman: BURNT TO A CRISP

Hairgelica: I came out here to attack and I'm honestly having such a good time right now

Hunkcules: WOW

TurtleBoi: Lol marry me Ange

Hairgelica: Eww no, who are you, Burr?

Non-stop: OMG SASS QUEEN SLAY

Burrn: ANGE I THOUGHT WE WERE OVER THIS

Hairgelica: Don't call me Ange or I will bring your wife here

Burrn: But-

Hairgelica added Dosia to the chat

Dosia: Aaron behave yourself there are children here

Burrn: No there aren't

Dosia added THEOne and PipPoet to the chat

PipPoet: YAY WE'RE INCLUDED

THEOne: Thanks Mom!!!

Bestofwoman: Our children are too pure for this chat

Baguette added JrLaf to the chat

JrLaf: Bonjour mes amies 

Non-stop: Eww French

JrLaf: -_- Howdy y'all somethin somethin McDonalds

Hunkcules: Accurate tbh

TurtleBoi: WAIT I WANT MY OFFSPRING HERE

TurtleBoi added FrancesTheTurd to the chat

FrancesTheTurd: Wassup peeps

JrLaf: Frances has the best name ever

Pegleg: Wait John you named the turtle you got after your child

TurtleBoi: Yes don't judge

THEOne: Mr. Hamilton can we get your other kid in here

Non-stop: Sure

THEOne added ANDANGIE to the chat

PipPoet: Eww my sister

ANDANGIE: F you Pip you still wet the bed

FrancesTheTurd: Lol

Bestofwoman: ANGIE LANGUAGE

ANDANGIE: Sorry Ma

Hunkules: Ooh my kid next

Hunkcules added WillIsDrunk to the chat

WillIsDrunk: *censored* &-((&227(+&##&-();-%#@#%+)!??!!+&$#

Hunkcules: *grins* THAT'S MY SON

WillIsDrunk: *grins* THAT'S MY DAD

Burrn: I don't think your son is appropriate for the rest of the children

PipPoet: I knew every cuss word by the age of 4

ANDANGIE: They were all aimed towards TJeffs

Pegleg: *claps*

Baguette: *throws rose*

Non-stop: *bows*

Hunkcules: *wipes tear in pride*

TurtleBoi: *weeps proudly*

Hairgelica: *sighs*

Bestofwoman: *sighs*

Dosia: *sighs*

THEOne: *sighs*

PipPoet: *sighs*

ANDANGIE: *sighs*

FrancesTheTurd: *sighs*

JrLaf: *sighs*

Non-stop: #insulted I AM LEAVING Y'ALL ARE RUDE

Hairgelica: Good riddance

Pegleg: *obligatory Green Day joke*


	11. The Forest Fic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Told ya I wouldn't forget about this!

Non-stop: Jefferson started crying in history today

Pegleg: Wut why?

TurtleBoi: He probs looked in a mirror

Bestofwoman: Don't be rude!!!

Baguette: Non, he has a point Eliza

Hairgelica: Tru

Hunkcules added France, JustJames, and Burrn to the chat

Hunkcules: Yo Jeff why were you crying

France: :,,( I'm not telling you

Pegleg: Why not

France: Cuz you'll laugh

Bestofwoman: I promise we won't you can trust us <3

France: ...k

France: So I was reading this thing called the forest fic

Non-stop: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

France: >:,,,( IT'S NOT FUNNY!

Hairgelica: I have to agree, it was an emotional rollercoaster

Burrn: "The rain." Tyler says. "It's like..." He pauses, searching for the words. "Crisper."

TurtleBoi: NO BURR

Burrn: How do you feel

Hunkcules: T-E-R-R-I-F-I-E-D

Baguette: Is that the, how you say, 'bandom' story that had Herc sobbing

Hunkules: OMG LAF STOP EXPOSING ME

Burrn: The funeral is a quiet ceremony.

Non-stop: NOOOOOOOPE

Non-stop has left the chat

TurtleBoi added Non-Stop to the chat

Bestofwoman: Is no one else questioning that Burr has the forest fic memorized???

JustJames: Thomas it isn't real stop being an emotional wreck

France: But it was sad!!!

JustJames: So are you

Pegleg: OOOOOOOHHHHHHH ROASTED

Baguette: How you say, feel the burn

Burrn: You called?

Hairgelica: This chat is a mess

France: I'M A MESS

JustJames: You could be messier

JustJames: Don't be overdramatic

France: :(

Hunkcules: So do you two have a left brain, right brain dynamic going on or???

France: !!!

JustJames: I am the left brain I am the left brain I work real hard till my inevitable death brain you got a job to do you better do it right and the right way is with the left brain

France: I AM THE RIGHT BRAAAAAIN I HAVE FEEEEEEELINGS

Burrn: Wtf

Pegleg: Why is that their friendship in a nutshell

Non-stop: Yo Burr will you be the left brain to my right brain

Burrn: ...

Burrn: No

Burrn has left the chat

Non-stop: :,,,,,,,,,,(

Baguette: RIP Alex

Pegleg: HE HAD IT COMING

Bestofwoman: HE HAD IT COMING

Hairgelica: HE ONLY HAS HIMSELF TO BLAME

Hunkules: HE HAD IT COMING

TurtleBoi: HE HAD IT COMING

France: YEAH YOU WOULD'VE DONE THE SAAAAAME

JustJames has left the chat

France: :( But now all the cool people are gone

Non-stop: AHEM

France: I know what I said

Pegleg: R00d

Baguette has kicked France from the chat

Baguette: And then the chat was clear of losers

Hairgelica: No wait Alex is still here

Hunkcules: *snorts*

Non-stop: ...

Non-stop: Goodbye world

TurtleBoi: Okay Jim I'll see you around where you goin - AWW OH NO aw that's not what I thought he meant by that at all!!!

Bestofwoman: lol

Hunkcules: WHO WANTS A MUFFIN

Non-stop: *raises hand*

Hunkules: *chucks muffin

Non-stop: *catches muffin* YAYYYY

Hairgelica: And thus, all was forgiven

Pegleg: Wtf Ange who uses the word 'thus'???

Non-stop: *raises hand*

TurtleBoi: No Alex

Non-stop: But...

TurtleBoi: Put your hand down

Hunkcules: Y'all are so mean to Alex

Non-stop: Exactly!!! Thank you Herc!!!

Hunkcules: I mean like I can't blame you but

Baguette: How you say, lol

Pegleg: STFU Laf you know how to say lol!!!

Hairgelica: Yeah, you speak better English than Liza

Bestofwoman: For the last time I didn't know hangry wasn't a real word!!!

Hairgelica: You used it in a college essay!!!

Bestofwoman: It was on urban dictionary!!!

Hairgelica: Everything is on urban dictionary!!!

Pegleg: Who tf would think 'hangry' is a real word

Non-stop: The same person who says 'yas' on a daily basis

Pegleg: YAS

Hunkcules: No

Pegleg: YAS!!!

Hunkcules: No

Pegleg: YYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSS

Hunkcules: Nope

Pegleg: :(

TurtleBoi: K, I'm done with this bull and I have work to do

TurtleBoi has left the chat

Non-stop: BYE


End file.
